Weekly Journal #9
Yes I know I’m a week late. Sorry for my tardiness, I was sick.
There is something about singing that makes me wonder. Deeply. Yes, very deeply. When I get to the point in my singing career, when I’m feeling like I’ve sung all my life just then I lose my voice and can’t singing the way I used. I mean, after getting sick for just a couple of weeks I could not get out of my funk of a sore, coarse throat. I tried sleeping (almost 12 hours), drinking tea, drinking tea with honey, with special herbal leaves, exercising and doing all the healthy stuff and yet after two weeks of all that, nothing. Na-da. I think it’s the weather. I mean I’ve waited long enough to be done and to heal and get my voice back, but it just won’t return.
So I go into practice today my voice is a little bit better. I actually thought that I was going to be okay and feel much better singing and practicing for my song. But no. My body and my throat would not follow after my commands. I wanted to be done with this sickness. I wanted to have freedom and start singing like a new born chick, free from the cages of sickness. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit. I think I did OK just warming up and everything. But it reached up to the higher notes and E and F, my throat started giving out. My support, my diaphragm couldn’t hold my air up and I let out more than a few shrieks and bursts of air out of my not so pretty sounding attempt to sing an octave high F key.
But besides my interpretation of the day and my week, the lesson was sweet and short. Mainly because I couldn’t stay over for dinner and chat with the family like they were used but also because my sister was home alone for our parents were gone to Korea for the week and I had to be the man of the house and watch over it. Oh and I almost forgot…I was also starting to lose my voice again.
Haha. I swear this whole week, the moment I start to think that my voice was coming back, it goes away. It’s been going at it since I really got sick and couldn’t even more or think. It was a totally massive case of 몸살. My head and stomach weren’t feeling to good either and just a total shutdown of my body. Maybe because I was stressing too much and trying get all the work done at once. I guess in that aspect I am like 엄마. I kind of lean toward the workaholic side more than the lax and lack the easy going nature of 아빠. I don’t know if this a good thing, but I know that it was one of the reasons I couldn’t go to school. (About the title…I would think in my head that my voice would be gone by next week and when one week had passed I would confidently say, “Hm…that was so last week, I’m sure that things have changed and I’m better now”…boy was I wrong.)
But more importantly was the event that happened on Saturday, May 14th. It’s called UNISON. Meaning we are unified under the head, Jesus Christ. It was truly a blessing experience for not just myself, (and you could really tell) but everyone else at CENT and especially an eye-opening experience for me and sister to see how God and the Holy Spirit works far and beyond my imagination. That He does things that are exactly what I need and exactly what I asked from God. He brings healing into my life and blesses me with everything I ask of Him and even more-because He understands and provides accordingly. I was also convicted and repented of my sins that night, truly recommitting my life to Christ. But it wasn’t your ordinary re-commitment. It was like dedicating my life, re-affirming the calling I have as a pastor before I go to college. Pastor Jun Lee said it this way, (not exactly, but this generally about what he said) “Yeah. That’s interesting. It seems like God is blessing you and revealing Himself to you before you go into college and experience life without your parents. It was the opposite way for me. God re-confirm His calling for me after I graduated college…Even at a Christian college you have to be careful to not stray and follow God. I am really glad for you.”
So really despite all of the trouble I’ve had academically, physically and just in general with life, I am thanking God for each and every single thing that He has placed in my life because He has showed to me just how amazing and beautiful to me before I asked or even needed Him to be. Nothing else compares to Him and the joy that He brings. Just serving Him and trying to follow His lead by serving as a worship leader and youth member, is really taught a lot of things. But I still need to be humble. I truly felt that at the UNISON. I felt that I had so much pride in my heart and really needed to let go of this world and hold fast onto Jesus and the salvation that He has bought and won and paid for. That Jesus Christ is THE way, THE truth, THE life and no one can come to the Father, who is LOVE, except by the Son. And the fact that I GET to worship Him, and I GET to praise Him and I GET to read His Word, and I GET to pray to Him and be heard, is so amazing and wonderful. I mean it’s just good to know that I will be heard in my distress and I will be satisfied in my emptiness. That I am not alone fighting for selfish desires, for this world. That I am able to fight the good fight and run the good race.
Praise the Lord, my God! 🙂 One Love.