Weekly Journal #7
All of sudden, after just feeling so accomplished and satisfied with the hard work into the outreaches, homework and every other extracurricular-recreational activities I have invested time on, there is MORE work to do, MORE burdens to carry and MORE and MORE and MORE.
OK, well maybe that’s just how I feel at the moment. But seriously, I think that I’m going to explode with all the work that needs to be and all the places I need to be in the upcoming weeks! I won’t make you go through the pain of listening to my boring complaints, or rants or whatever. But I can tell you this, I’m stressing!
Life can sometimes be your mom. You have to keep telling her “Stop sweating me, Ma.”
Singing wise, I didn’t get enough sleep and my body reacted accordingly. No rest means, no having fun singing. I’ve learned that lesson before but I just can’t seem to listen to my body very well. Sorry, I’ll take care of you better in college. With the teacher I spent most of the time warming up and finding my color because I was sucking a lot and kept holding back my voice when I should have focused and kept its shape, pointed, directed up and round so I could send forward, lightly bouncing it! The only song we worked on was Intorno all’idol mio. We didn’t eat this week because I already had dinner before. I so left early. My homework was to choose a song to prepare to perform on a stage setting, in front of an audience.
These upcoming weeks, no this upcoming month, is going to be so compacted and full that I don’t even know if I can even do all of it. I wish that the month could just all pass away and I’d be in the month of June already. Summer here I come! But at the same time, I know that the things that keep me busy will make it feel like time is flying. Like all the sounds that deadlines, projects, and tests make when they whoosh by are the sounds of the city carried by the breeze and through the trees. The only regrettable part is the honking raucous they make when they are about to collide into you and take over your agenda.
It’s a beautiful thing, I guess. Just the struggle of trying to come out on top of the all the heaps and heaps of responsibilities, work, burdens that come with this life. I am always in constant fret over what to do, what to do, when, how, and where. But I think that’s what makes life so fun. Just trying to see where each path will lead me and what will I learn from it. Truly I have been living life, week by week, day by day and am earnestly living in the “now,” the present moment. Not too much dwelling in the past, reminiscing about Team and such lovely memories, and not too much concern and worry for the future, anticipating and preparing for a higher education at Biola and a growth in maturity as an adult and Christian, physically, mentally, and spiritually, but focused on life that is alive, happening and acting, reacting, moving according to the situation, taking things as they come and holding on it, appreciating its value. By just learning for the sake of learning. Pure unlearning, you might say. And that’s something I learned from Team and I think what God has been trying to show me: how to learn and embrace the beauty of meaningful relationships in life.
You can say that I’ve become the official “Yes” man of the century taking on the responsibility of the youth worship and praise team, committing myself to the ministry of the Gospel and the development of my maturity as a Christian, answering my call to become a pastor, preparing for college, doing my job as a student and studying the art of singing but I can say that in the end, it’s not about my works. It’s not about me. It’s about why I am doing the things I am doing. It’s because I have a faith, a faith that doesn’t come from myself, a faith that cannot be shaken, a faith that has been graciously bestowed upon me, a faith that can change the entire world, a faith that saves and the faith in God, His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.
My life is secure, I have no worries and not a single doubt in my mind that my future is secure. I’m not scared of dying for the sake of the Gospel and my first love, Jesus Christ, because He wasn’t scared or ashamed of me and because He won over the power of sin and death, I have nothing to be afraid of. Which is funny because that is the most commanded order in the Bible ever. I will not be afraid because the Bible says, the Word of the Living God says “Do not be afraid.”
This is my favorite quote ever. (Yes, I know this is my second time posting this on my blog site but it’s THAT good)
Fellowship of the Unashamed
I am part of the “Fellowship of the Unashamed.” The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure.
I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, and my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear.
I won’t give up, back up, let up or shut up until I’ve preached up, prayed up, paid up, store up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My colors will be clear.
An African martyr’s last words
from the book “One Thing You Can’t Do In Heaven”
by Mark Cahill